Happy Holidays, Fucker

I keep hearing from conservative talk show hosts and Fox News how there is a battle raging over the use of “Happy Holidays” in place of “Merry Christmas.” Well, everyone I’ve talked with doesn’t give a shit either way. I think Rush, O’Reilly, Hannity, et al, are trying to create controversy where none exists to further their agenda against progressivism and liberalism. Even if there is a controversy, I’m sure they’re overstating the hell out of it.

I don’t see the big deal either, so people want to be inclusive by saying Happy Holidays, rather than exclusive and saying Merry Christmas. Why is this wrong? I’ll never understand people who take their religion (or themselves for that matter) so seriously. I’m an atheist, but I don’t go around saying, “Have a very secular holiday season.” If someone says Merry Christmas to me, I’ll say it back. If they say Happy Holidays, again, I’ll say it back. I don’t care if someone says Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanukkah or Hail Lucifer. Well, the last one would certainly get me to turn my head, but the point is that I don’t care because it’s not important.

I mean think about it, in the grand scheme of things, what’s the BFD with someone greeting you at your favorite store with “Happy Holidays.” I say if you’re that hung up about it, maybe it’s time for a trip to the family psychiatrist, seriously. No, seriously. The holidays are supposed to be a time to unwind and relax. But how can I relax when I’ve got idiots on every Connecticut talk radio station bitching about how our society is becoming secular. This kind of thing has been going on for years, so you think they’d just drop it by now, but no. I’ve got the drug addict on 1080 and sexual harassment boy on 1360, both whining like schoolyard sissies.

So here’s what I’m going to do; I’m going to practice my personal right to be an asshole this holiday season. Any white, conservative bible thumpers I come into contact with who execute a “Merry Christmas” in my direction are getting met with a “Happy Kwanza” right back at them. It may not piss them all off, but it won’t be from a lack of trying, I guarantee you that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my dog outside for a piss–on the neighbors Nativity scene (just kidding, believe in Jesus).

Happy Holidays, Fucker

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